Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
4 words: hood of his car
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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