Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
