I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
