I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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