I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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