You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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