So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
