In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
