What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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