so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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