I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my poor anus
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
