How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
