What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
