So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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