I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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