Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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