the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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