Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
PANTIES FOUND
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