Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
