I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
