I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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