i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
