You're so nebulous sometimes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
