I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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