my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
