All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you bring me the toilet please
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
