...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
