dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
