What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
