I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
