At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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