So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
