This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
