Porn is love you can see.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
