i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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