I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
