I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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