bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
