Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
