Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
