You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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