fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
