Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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