i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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