I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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