Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's the barista slut.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
