I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
