And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
