I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
