two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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