Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
