apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
