Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
