smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
