i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
