Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
