Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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