I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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