I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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