So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
