Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your cock deserves a montage
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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